This Is Why You're Single: Black Woman Edition

The foregoing article was originally written in October of 2012:

"QUESTION: How do you cure a disease? Answer -- By first, diagnosing the problem and then applying the proper remedy. Which is exactly what I'm about to do.

Why target black women? Here's why: For the past 30 years, black women have used every media outlet to perpetuate the negative stereotype of black men. They've told the world we're all in jail, deadbeat dads, gay, uneducated, dogs, etc. They've said these things to anyone who'd listen. But a black man is viciously maligned if he criticizes a black woman in any way. He's maligned not only by black women, but by soft, weak, effeminate black men who seek to gain favor with black women. And a black man who dates interracial is also viciously maligned. So what's a black man to do!? This is where I tell the side of the story that isn't being told. A lot of what I say can be said for women of any race. BUT, the combination of these things make up black women.

Everyone wonders why black women are single, but if the answer given isn't "because there are no good black men," they don't want to hear it. This is where the nonsense ends. So, if you're an open-minded black woman who wants the truth, continue reading and I won't tell you anything wrong. I expect for a black woman to attempt to change the subject to what black men and/or women of other races do...when this about THEM. I also expect ad hominem attacks. I know, I know....y'all are gonna say that I hate myself, my mother's black, accuse me of being gay, say that someone must have hurt me, it's just some and not all (not once did I say ALL), etc. We've heard this all before and none of it deals with the merits of my argument.

Now....you've had your chance to speak and on a much bigger platform I might add, now it’s our turn.

Reason #1 -- Superficiality and Unrealistic Preferences

Talk to your average black woman about her dating preferences and I guarantee you she will have a long list of things she wants a man to possess while not possessing even 25% of the things she requires the man to have. Let's face facts. Your average black woman isn't going to date a man who's less than 6 ft. tall, who doesn't make a certain amount of money or live a certain lifestyle. When they find the man whom they desire, but that isn't willing to lower his standards for her, they get upset and try to guilt him into being with them. That's like going to an upscale restaurant and asking them to lower their prices because you can't afford to eat there. A lot of these types think being pretty and great sex equates to being a good catch, but that's false. No man in his right mind with a lot going for him will settle for the complete opposite.

In other words, you want too much. When I say that you ask for too much, that simply means that most of you are delusional. I blame the media, love novels, romance films, etc. for this phenomenon. A lot of you are entirely too materialistic. You won't even let a guy take you on a date unless it involves money being spent. Some of you are convinced that love and money are somehow tied into each other, which isn't true. Like, how a lot of these women are looking for a man to put them in a mansion, where she can be lazy and shop all day. Again, too much TV.

Some black women will point out the fact that a few generations ago, women used to stay at home while the man worked and brought home the money. But allow me to deconstruct their position. First off, when the woman stayed at home, she was WORKING in the home. She was cooking, cleaning, tending to the children, even managing the family's finances in some cases, etc., all of which are not easy tasks. Women today who claim they want to stay at home will not do any of those things. It's not uncommon for a black man to come home and have to do the cooking and cleaning after his wife or girlfriend has been sitting around the house all day doing nothing but watching TV and keeping up drama on social media. Only thing they want to do is sit on their butt and expect a man to take care of them.

While we're on the subject of black women of prior generations, allow me to state this: black women of today need to quit trying to take credit for what their grandparents and generations before them did. Those are a completely different group of women. I don't know about other guys, but I'm not going to respect today's black women for what generations before them did because today's black women are NOTHING like those respectable generations of the past.

Reason #2 -- The Way You Present Yourself

You can't dress and act like a slut, and expect to attract Mr. Right. I browse social networks and see women in pics half-naked in sexually provocative poses, then when degenerate men leave sexual comments, they will say "deez niggas beez thirzty." I've seen the same thing in public as well. It is totally unrealistic to expect to be treated like a lady when you look and behave like a slut. It doesn't work that way. You might impress those lowlife guys by behaving in such a manner, but a real man isn't impressed. Let me rephrase that...a real man who wants a woman with whom he can become serious isn't impressed. They'll gladly have sex with you, but that's about it.

Reason #3 -- Material Possessions Can't Supplement a Lack of Substance

You've got your college degrees, own place, a car, good paying job, etc. But what else? Where's the character? That's why guys will take a broke woman who's a great person over a financially successful woman with a funky attitude. I've heard on numerous occasions, black women scold another black woman who doesn't have money or material items because she was able to find a good man while she struggled to do so. That shows how blind the so-called successful black woman truly is. She's unable to see that the seemingly unsuccessful black woman has found a good man because she understands the importance of having something to offer as a person.

I encourage you to be able to support yourself, but the attitude that's the problem. Material possessions can't take the place of great character. No real man is "threatened by your success" (the losers typically are). Guys aren't dating you because material possessions are the only thing you have going for you. 

Reason #4: You Sought Independence, Now You Have It

Just as the title said --- you sought independence, now you have it. During the rise of feminism, black women embraced these feminist views and turned their back on black men. Feminism convinced black women that they don't need black men. Before this brainwashing occurred, the black family was well in tact....and there's documentation to prove this. The black woman hasn't looked back ever since because til this very day, they still embrace the idea of being "strong, independent and not needing a man."

What's amazing is that black women today will desire a pre-feminist movement lifestyle when it's beneficial to them, but will still wanna hold on to feminist views when it's beneficial.

I'm gonna hit you with the truth --- no man wants to be with a woman who feels she doesn't need him. If you're so independent and don't need a man, then why are you complaining about not being able to find anyone? Surely, if you're as independent as you claim to be, then being single shouldn't be a problem.

Reason #5 -- You Look Like Precious But You Want LL Cool J

This is so easy that I'm not gonna get deep into it. A lot of black women have weight issues, and they usually want a man who's tall, thin and/or has muscles. If you're big and find a thin man that likes you, congratulations. But if you can't find that thin/muscular man (because those men usually don't like big women), you need to either lose weight or find a man that likes big women. It's a simple solution. There's no need for lay guilty on thin guys who don't find you attractive.

Reason #6 -- Black Women Mistake Antagonism For Strength

This is one of the most important factors of everything listed so far. Black women have taken on this antagonistic attitude that they call being a "strong black woman." If you want a visual image of a truly strong black woman, look at your grandmothers and those before them. Look at the difference between your grandmothers and yourself and you'll see a huge difference. The women of your grandmother's generation were labeled strong because they managed to survive and stand by their man in a world where black men were being oppressed. They knew how hard it was for black men during those times, but they did everything they could to be supportive of their men. They allowed their men to lead, take charge and be the head of the household. They weren't labeled strong for having bad attitudes. The bad attitudes don't make you a strong woman. In fact, it makes you weak because, ultimately, you'll end up by yourself.

You label a guy weak if he doesn't want to constantly argue and deal with the drama. And you wonder why guys choose to date interracial. You even scorn them for it and say they're taking "the easy way out." That's a pretty stupid thing to say. Think about it --- if you can date a woman of a different race who's goal is to have mutual happiness with you instead of making your life hell, you'd be a fool to pass that up. But for some reason, black women are convinced that NOT sticking around and putting up with their foolishness is a sign of weakness. Black women actually believe that it takes a real man to put up with their dysfunctional foolishness. That's fiction. A real man is gonna run away from you as fast as he can. Whatever you've been through to cause you to be scorned, that's no man's fault except the man who wronged you. You can't expect to take your frustrations out on future mates. A relationship is supposed to produce happiness, not constant misery and that's what black women seek to offer the black man...a life of headache, misery, etc.

Call it what you want, but no sensible person will deal with that. Respect others and treat them as you wish to be treated. You're not gonna find a man of substance until you lose this "strong black woman" attitude.

Reason #7 -- Christianity Doesn't Make Him A Good Man

Me being southern, being religious is a requirement if you want a southern black woman. I've seen black women reject good men for not being a christian, despite being a great guy. But they'll deal with a bad guy just because he goes to church with her. I've dealt with women whom I had great chemistry with, but it was over when they found out I don't believe in god. To most southern black women, it's not what you do that makes you a good or bad guy. It's all about whether or not you're a christian. Notice that those type of black women are always single and waiting for "god" to send them a perfect man. Whether black women know it or not, that book (the bible) keeps them single. In fact, Christianity contributes largely to the decline of the black race, but that's another article.

Let me digress and point something out. In my last point, I spoke of how black women seek to antagonize black men. I'm gonna show you how hypocritical black women are. They claim to be so much into the bible (despite never having read it), but they ignore the part of the bible which states that the man is the leader of the household. Like most black Christians, they skip that part because it doesn't fit what they want to believe. I will admit that a lot of black men don't know how to lead because they're raised by single mothers, but we're not talking about those types of men. Besides, if you're a real woman, you shouldn't deal with a man who lacks leadership skills. Now let's get back to the main point....

These type of women usually can't deal with the fact that an intelligent black man like myself who studies isn't gonna buy into religion. Let's be real --- only three types of black men attend church: gay men, pimps who seek to exploit the congregation's ignorance and old men. That's it. You're not going to find any logical, critically thinking black men in church.


Reason #8 -- You Want Respect For WHAT You Are, Instead of WHO You Are

I blame the feminist movement for what I'm about to discuss here. Black women actually believe they deserve to be treated like royalty just for being a woman. They fail to realize that respect is given based on who you are and what you do, not on your gender. I see many black women commit some of the most despicable acts, but they expect you to ignore what they do and respect them just for being a woman. And if you call them out on their nasty behavior, first thing they do is point to the fact your mother and the women in your family are black. Typical.....

To make matters worse, black women don't believe that they have to respect people in return and this behavior carries over into the relationship. To illustrate my point, here's what I want you to do: browse any social media site, preferably Facebook, Instagram or Twitter. Browse through the photos and status updates of black females and I guarantee you that you will eventually stumble upon a photo meme or status update which goes on and on about what they believe a real man is supposed to do for a woman. Pay close attention and you'll also notice that they will NEVER entertain the fact that a woman has to deserve the things for which she asks from her ideal man. And THAT is the insanity that is black women...they expect to always take and never give. Ladies and gentlemen, that is what we call a parasite.

It is because of this phenomenon that we have so many weak, effeminate black men. You know...the type of men that you single mothers are raising. As you're raising these boys by yourselves and teaching them to put women on a pedestal and to, at the same time devalue themselves, they develop the desire to become a woman. But that's another discussion....

Reason #9 - You've Made Yourself Immune To Criticism

As I correctly stated in the opening of this article....if a black man criticizes a black woman in any way, shape or form, he's viciously maligned. He's told that he can't criticize black women because his mother is black, he's accused of hating himself, he's called gay, he's called bitter, etc. If this black man's critique of black women is correct, he's then told "you shouldn't say those things, you should say something positive in order to uplift us!" In translation: the black woman is seeking undue praise.

But here's my thing: if a group of women are having the type of problems that black women are having, at what point are they willing to accept the possibility that THEY could be contributing to their own downfall? After all, blaming black men for the last 30 years has only gotten them in worse and worse conditions but yet they still aren't ready to accept responsibility for their actions. It's amazing because I hear black women admit to engaging in countless acts that are destructive to their well-being, but they'll never admit that what they're doing is the root cause of their problems.

In all actuality, black men are expected to accept 100% of the blame for all of the troubles in the black community, especially the troubles concerning dating, relationships and marriage. In fact, you can criticize a black man all day long and even say some of the most despicable things about him and no black woman will correct you or come to the black man's defense. But if a black man criticizes a black woman, even in the kindest, most sincere way possible, he's subject to vicious attacks. You are to never imply that a black woman can be anything less than perfect.

Yet....with all of their self-proclaimed perfection and "black queen" status, black women have more problems than all other groups of women on earth combined. And those problems will persist until they are ready to accept to accept constructive criticism and quit blaming others for their problems.

Reason #10: You Don't Respect The Black Men You Claim To Want

You hear black women talk endlessly about their desire for a "REAL BLACK MAN." But in truth, black women see non-stereotypical black man as weak, soft, lame, etc. A black man who's well spoken, educated, career and family oriented, who's an overall standup guy, is looked down upon UNLESS he's rich. When a black woman wants those qualities in a man, they usually go after white men or non-black men, as if only non-black men are supposed to possess real man qualities. The few black women I've met who will date a black man with those qualities will say, "he still has to have some thug in him." But don't require white men to have any thug in them. Because of that, women are actually encouraging black men to play into the negative stereotype because those are the only kind of black men to which they'll give any attention. If they do give good black men the time of day, he's told that he can only be a friend.

As a black man, you're going to attract a black woman only if you're a lowlife degenerate who has no direction in life. You most likely have to be the type of guy who seeks to live off of her, in and out of jail and so on. Or, you have to be a guy who doesn't live off of her but make your money illegally. It's a sad truth that majority of black women hold in higher esteem a man who's spent 5 years in prison than they do a man who's spent 4 years in college.

Reason #11 -- Your Dating Priorities Are Backwards

This last passage is going to tie into the last. It is again a sad truth that black women continuously and purposely pass up good men because they'd rather be with the "bad boys." They want a "real nigga" instead of a real man. They purposely choose the bad boys because they believe they can change him (again, too much TV). When that doesn't work, she gets pregnant by the guy hoping that's gonna change him. That fails, now she's a single parent. She repeats this 3 more times with other guys. At this point, she has 4 kids with 4 different deadbeats as the fathers. That scenario also explains why black women are single parents. For some odd reason, they actually take pride in being single parents. They say things like "I'm the mother and the father." But any sensible person will see that as the woman boasting of her inability to pick decent, respectable men.

After she's been promiscuous with every deadbeat loser around, and has realized that none of them will ever settle down with her, NOW she wants a good guy --- the same kind of good guy she passed up for the bad boys and caused lots of heartache. If the good guy's smart, he knows that a woman who's dealt with losers for all that time only wants a good guy NOW because its convenient. After a few good guys have seen through the woman's bullshit, and have chosen not to be the sucker, she then says that there are no good men.

This could've been avoided had she not PURPOSELY chosen guys who she knew were trouble. It happens everyday and it could be YOU. How many times have you ignored a guy's respectful approach, but responded to a negative approach? How many times has a nice guy had to resort to calling you a bitch or some other derogatory term just to get your attention? Probably lots of times. Just go for Mr. Right the first time --- not after you've amassed baggage (that's if you truly want a good guy. Many women only say they do because its the right thing to say --- which is wrong because guys get hurt in the process). The good guys are tired of being a last resort and tired of being blamed for black women being single.

Let me digress for a moment and say this: A lot of good black men don't mind being the last resort because they were raised by single mothers who conditioned them to believe that it is his role as a man to be successful so that he can save a single black mother someday. It's amazing how a lot of the good black men don't even have their own family legacy because of this...just them raising someone else's kids without ever having any children of their own.

Conclusion: The only way to fix these issues is by first admitting that they exist and then working to correct them. Even if you've made some of the mistakes that I've mentioned, its not too late. I tell you this because I want to see an improvement in relations between black men and women, but that can't happen until we're honest with ourselves."